Charlie Tango and Top Gun

I am not entirely Christian Grey. I have a Christian Grey in my life, but that's beside the point at the moment.

What is there to say about me? I was a huge mama's boys until high school and then I became a rebel in school. I hid my grades from my friends. Why? Because had a bad reputation. I was a jock. I was suppose to be dumb. My best friend was in my grade even though he was younger than me. He skipped three grades so of course he didn't have to hide that he was excellent at everything he did (and still does.)

I liked going home after practice and playing with my siblings. My mom would always tell me that I couldn't live two lives. I told her I was Batman I could do anything. She would sigh and move on to the next thing about changing my life for the better.

My dad is a drug addict and probably a dealer if I am going to be honest with myself. My grandpa was one as well, so was my uncle. I am glad that my grandma divorced him and moved onto someone who loves her for her even if they don't have a lot in their lives.

I have always fought with my dad. As a kid he would beat me if I asked him to stop. So I gave up talking to him. My older brother kept on trying and he would end up with huge bruises. My mom separated from him but she never divorced him.

Giles, my older brother, finally got fed up with our family and left for the Air Force. He was deployed almost immediately after his training. He would write letters and call and for the first time in my life I could hear and see how happy he was. He told me that he felt like God lead him to get away. He told me that he couldn't wait for me to join him. He said we would never serve together but that we would be joined in the Need for Speed. However, he was killed during his deployment. I lost interest in joining after that.

His death crushed my mother. I think on some level it crushed my dad because he became so much more violent after Giles's death. I have Giles's flag on mantel. I look at it as reminder that somewhere he is speeding above me telling me that flying that high gives him a hard on.

I do have my pilot license for him and the movie Top Gun. We would all pile up at my house and watch it over and over. My mom finally got me a pair of aviator sunglasses and they are the same ones I still wear to this day. Why? Because she is another one looking down at me from Heaven.

I have four people that watch me all the time from Heaven. Giles would be the first one. Then there is my mom, my sister, and my baby brother.

My mom was my rock. She made everything better even though we didn't have a lot. With her moving out and in with dad so many times trying to make things work with him that she lost a lot of things. She was always so cheerful around holidays. She would sing all the time. She loved music and decorating.

My sister, Sapphire (yes her real name she went by Phire though) was barely 10 months younger than me. She was my twin and my shadow. She was loud and carefree. She loved Disney and she loved Peter Pan. She was a cheerleader and she loved being tossed into the air and spinning. It gave her the feeling of being with Peter Pan.

And my baby brother Augustine, always made me laugh. He was an unplanned baby. He loved it when we all came home from school. He would show us his macaroni glued to the paper plate that he had made in pre school that day.

As I said my dad got more violent after Giles's death. And my mom was trying to escape one of his rages of hate and drunkenness. It was raining and thundering and she lost control of the car. It killed her and my siblings. I had stayed with a friend because of the weather on her request.

I tried saving my dad. I would save him and it didn't work. He would end up pissed at me. He started making sure I got hurt. I ended up with more knives scars than I did when I cut. He didn't care how badly I got hurt. He can't stop. During one of his drunk rages after their funerals I followed him and I managed to get shot instead of him. I woke up in the hospital alone. I figured that I wasn't worth much to anyone.

It wasn't long after that I started trying to take my own life. I cut deep and wide. I ended up in the hospital thanks to my best friend who finally said he had enough of me trying to kill myself when I swallowed pills one night. It wasn't just losing them. It was me trying to get away from my dad.

Chris will always be my best friend. Even if he wasn't going through a great time in his life, he saved mine. He told me that I had more potential than a street fighter and a cutter.

I am a master graduate of Georgia Tech in two years and I have a house. I have a stable life. It gets better each day. I just pray God knows how badly I want to get to Heaven.